Thursday, August 11, 2011

Update/New Nephew!



I have been total blog failure for the last few months! I plan to start updating more regularly.

First off, my nephew was finally born! I love him to bits!

I helped my sister through her entire labor and he arrived on July 10th, 2011.  8 lbs 12 oz 20 3/4 inches long



video

Anyways, I started school this week. Had my RN orientation and intro to Sauk. Then on the 22nd I start my actual classes. Chemistry with a lab, and Nursing 101! Will be a CNA by the end of thsi semester and will be able to apply for the nursing program in June! Yay!

My grief has been so twisted. It's like my body knows what to do, my body knows that I am about to experience unbearable pain, as Maddox's birthday is next month, so I am in some type of shock, I am numb most of the time lately. I know I am not really okay, cause I recognize this feeling from when Maddox first passed away. Once the numbness wears off, I am going to break...

I still can barely believe that his birthday is NEXT MONTH! He would be a big one year old baby boy!
I still am on the fence about throwing him a birthday party. It's going to hurt so much. I will probably have to take the day off of school, even though it will be a lab. Then I will have three days to get myself together for his party. His birthday is on a Wednesday, his party would be on a Saturday... I was pregnant along with lots of other friends and family of mine. Everyone is inviting me to their kid's first birthday party and it just hurts so much. I just can't do it. However, I can't wait to make his birthday cake! 

I have really been struggling with resentment against a lot of people. Why is there not a single person that is worthy of being a good friend? Why am I such a good friend to people that blow me off in return?

I have also been really struggling and irritated with people that weren't there for us, yet for whatever reason, we chose to be there for them. I will get past this, just really irritating me lately to think about it.

I am missing him so much tonight! My blog make over is next week so I will start blogging again and more often with a topic! Maybe start doing vlogs soon! We will see!





My sweet little man. Mad because he had to sit in his cousin's PINK chair at gramma's house! lol
So cute! <3 love him so much!