Thursday, November 24, 2011

Stronger and Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

This time, last year, were the last few days we had at home with Max. On this day, he was just starting to get sick, but he showed no signs or symptoms until later this night. We spent thanksgiving week at Max's grandma's house, and just had a relaxing, laid back week! Here are a few photos of our boy on Thanksgiving, 2010!

 Me holding Max's meds lol Look at daddy's hair! LOL
 Max getting mad at momma!
 Max admiring gramma!
Me, Max's daddy and Max's aunties
 Little man, gramma got him this cute lil outfit!
 So mad! Maybe poopin? haha
Gettin so mad, momma get off me! haha

As many of you know, the last three months have been some BUSY months. I can't believe I love photography this much, and am changing my major!

I feel like photography has helped me grow even stronger. My little man keeps me inspired, as I see him in everything. He is the beauty in all things. I see him in every precious child, in every sparkling eye! My Max is living through these children, and I am giving their parents something that I can only wish so badly that I had. I have so many beautiful photos of Max, but they are very difficult to print out, as they were taken with our phones or our old digital camera. We did not get a good camera until December, shortly after Max was intubated. The highest quality photos we have are the ones after he passed away. I don't mind hanging those up on the walls, they are absolutely stunning. I just wish I had a nice, quality photo of him smiling :'(

Anyway, my first few sessions were all little boys, around the same age as Max. All about to celebrate their 1st birthdays. I was so heart broken. I got angry and questioned myself, why am I doing this? This is only hurting me. Why do I care to give people photos that I will never get!? This only made me more jealous and angry that God took my baby, and didn't give me the thought or the resources to have special photos like this taken of my baby, when I was the one that was going to lose him! It was shortly after those moments of jealousy, anger, and devastation, that I realized... I realized this could be something good. I thought to myself, would I really wish this upon someone? To not be able to afford or find someone who can give them nice photos, and have them be left with nothing? Would it not be an honor to give someone photos that could mean sooo much more to them later on in life? Weeks later, I continued with booking photo sessions and my schedule for 2 months was fully booked! I had sessions nearly every day, some times multiple shoots a day. It was such hard work and I sure worked my ass off for making minimum wage(sometimes not even that). and I found that this is what I love to do, and that my little boy has given me so many signs and so much inspiration! I think this is what I am supposed to do. I still love and want to do nursing, but I have a few years to see where this road takes me, and for now, volunteer bereavement photography will help me serve and get my nurturing nursing needs fulfilled.

Today, I am not jealous of what beautiful, printed photos you may have of your children. But I am thankful that I have the privilege of capturing and processing them for you to have for the rest of your life! Thank you my sweet bubba!!!! Thank you for giving mommy such strength and encouragement! I could not have done this without you helping me!!!! I love you so much and I need you to keep helping momma and showing her the way!

I am also thankful to Amy Yonk with onsite photography, for taking our 5 generation family photos. Maddox was sick on this day, so we had to take him to a last minute doctor's visit, right before Amy arrived. We were rushed because of the doctor's appointment, but got back just in time for mommy to put some make up on and a nice sweater (notice the sweat pants) and take some photos of our family! You can view the photos here, and the password is Maddox (with a capital M)

I am also so very thankful for Todd Hochberg, who drove many miles and printed 2 whole photo albums full of pictures of our little angel, after he left his body! I could not believe the generosity of this man and the photos he took are simply amazing and beautiful! Maddox made a scary, sad thing, beautiful, and Todd captured that perfectly! Thank you so much Todd! You can visit Todd's website here and donate to help him with providing his services! I will be donating this Thanksgiving day, to thank Todd for everything he has done for our family!

(please do not save these photos to your computer unless I give you permission to do so)

So Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I will be going to a lunch this morning with Ron's family, and then we will be visiting Max, getting him so cute decorations for his resting place, and then we might stop and try to see Max's new baby cousin Ava! She is so precious!

 Yes, she has giant, super long feet!!!

Ron wanted to take her home LOL

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