Monday, April 11, 2011

My Dear Little Man

These days seem to blur together.
They are going so slowly and dragging on.
It feels like I have been living a lifetime without you, yet I feel as if you were just here yesterday.
Life without you is dull, but mommy strives to find and create of you in new places.
My love for you still grows more every day.
I miss every little thing about you, I wish things could just go back to how they were when we were home.
Weren't they great?
We were a happy little family. Everything was PERFECT!
Now our lives will forever be incomplete. Whenever there is something great, something good,
something to look forward to, there is always the most important piece of our lives missing.
Mommy wanted to do everything with you.
It is getting so nice out and I just want to hold you close to my chest and walk for hours.
We could stop at a bench by the river and have a snack.
My chest longs for your soft wimper of hunger, I'd gently pick you up and hold you close to my chest
and relax as I provide for you, my beautiful baby boy.
I could never be as gentle, loving and soft with any other child but you.
I hold other babies, but my motherly lulling touch could never be graced upon any other.
You were such a joy, everything about you was perfect.
You melted my heart with your smile, your eyes.
There was not a single thing I could not love. You are perfect.
I dream all day and if I am lucky, night long, of the moment our eyes meet again.
I imagine Jesus will meet me in a beautiful field beyond the gates,
and have you in his arms.
He will hand you over to me the second I arrive. I am crying so hard just thinking about it!
What could I ever do to let the Lord know how grateful I am for reuniting us again?
How will I control myself from smothering you in kisses for our eternity?
I have to believe this is true to survive.
I hope you are getting my hugs and kisses I send to you daily.
Mommy just wants to smooch your sweet little cheeks soo soo much!
Everytime I kissed you I had to grit my teeth just a little bit so I would not take a nibble off of ya,
you were just too darn cute!
 Even now looking at pictures I have to grit my teeth.
There is not a single thing I don't miss about you.
I even miss the smell of your poop!
You can poop all over momma, I don't care!
I love every little bit of you!
I will never be the same, and all I want and think about it you.
There is nothing I will ever love more, there is nothing I will ever want more.
You are and always will be my everything, my sweet little boy.
I love you so much baby boy, you are my absolute everything, my sunshine,
my reason for living, my one and only little man, and mommy loves you dearly...


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