It is now 7:26pm, and I am trying very hard not to be nosy. The little boy two rooms down from us is either dying or has already passed. They had to pull the plug on him today. I saw his family breaking down. It hurt me really bad. People are coming into the room so I will finish this blog later. I am very hurt and bothered by this...
In continuum, I guess they didn't pull the plug yet. It's 12/17/10. But they will soon. I am so afraid of making that kind of decision. I see my son, asleep most of the day. It hurts me. He is supposed to be laughing and playing and learning. I hope he hears my voice when I talk to him. Maybe he will dream of me saying what I am telling him in his ear. I know he loves me, I just hope he doesn't think this it's me doing this to him, or that I'm not protecting him. Yesterday someone told me that this could be the way that God wants me to come to him. What do they mean by me coming to him? Does he want me to go to church every Sunday? Does he want me to read the bible? What more does he want me to do? I believe, I told him I do. I've been praying. Does he want me to join a religion? How do I know which is the right one? What does he want me to do? I don't know if I even have the energy to indulge myself in a religion. I wish the psychic twins would message me back. They told me God is real, and that they are praying for me, but when I asked who will take care of my son in heaven, they didn't reply. So I sent it again, and still no reply. Are they testing me? Why would they not reply to that? It would make me feel better. Did they not want to break it to me that my son will be in heaven?
Maddox's journey, and our struggle to live life with out him... Previously My AGS Son and Me
In my opinion, specific religion isn't as important as just striving to have a personal relationship with God. A couple years ago, I went thru a crisis where I realized I was Baptist only because my parents were, and researched different denominations and religions to make my own decision.
ReplyDeleteThe conclusion I came to is that, personally, me spending time praying to God on my own at night impacted me more than any sermon or doctrine out there. I just take time to thank Him for everything I can think of and then ask for advice on one or two things. Answers don't just appear but things seem clearer.
It may be different for you but I believe that the only way to truly connect with God is to try personally. 1 on 1. The psychic twins haven't sent anything back because if God is up there, there is no way they can understand how He works.
WHEN things get better and you're back in Dixon, I suggest talking to Rachel Cocar, she's the pastor at First Baptist downtown. She supplied alot of information on God and different religions while allowing me to make my own decisions.
What does God want? That's a question that a lot of people ask everyday.
ReplyDeleteWhen I look at my daughter Arielle, I see a beautiful young girl. She's an upbeat kind of child. She's open, friendly and she communicates with people openly. She's headstrong and has a very own will, but I can't thing of anyone who does not enjoy her.
What does God want? I'm convinced it's not something He 'wants' for you, or for your son. I think he knows you and your husband are strong people and you can provide the best care for your son possible.
Like so much sick children, children with AGS bring a special light to life. Maybe that's what God wants; for us to learn from these kids, to see the upbeat side of life, even when it's hard to notice. To be grateful for life itself, in all it's diversities.
I don't believe it's meant as a punishment from God for anything you did or did not do.
I know christians who do everything 'right' with praying, going to church etc. But just aren't nice people in general or never help anyone. Are those more worthy for going to church? And I know people who care, who are friendly and go out of their way to help other people, but don't go to church (often). Are those people less worthy?
I believe God looks you in the heart and knows you. And no other man or woman in the world can do that same judgement. They don't know jack and should not put people down saying what that 'someone' said to you.
It's more easy to break a person down, than to build a person and give them support, especially in the situation you're in.
That said; I would totally discard what that 'somebody' said and be proud of yourself and your husband. Of the parents that you are! And of caring for your son in the best way you know or feel how!
Take care!!
Heyy girl this is Stormy. On the religion thing my opinion how I look at things God just wants us to believe in him and to trust in him in all situations. He wants you to believe that he can heal your son and make him better. and he wants you to trust him in what ever happens its in his will. Yeah its sometimes hard to understand and its hard to take in alot of it but you have to turn to the lord to get you through everything. I have heard from alot of people that the lord will do whatever it takes to open someones eyes to trust in him so yes maybe this is happening to show you that you need to trust and turn to him.... but this is all just my opinion everyone looks at religion in different ways. But you and your son are both in my prayers I really hope that he will go home soon hopefully before christmas!
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